His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
