You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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