I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
