i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
