Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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