Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize