SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
