I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
