My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
