hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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