when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
porn star boner night. come get it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
