This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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