We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
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At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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