Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
