Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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