remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
