They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
