It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
