I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
