just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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