I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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