my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
