Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Houston, we have a blender
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
