if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
