that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
