and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
