could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
