i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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