I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
