everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
