Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
