Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
