So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
