Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
