would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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