I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
