Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
