I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
