Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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