I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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