dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
