you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
