so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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