Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
