Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
