I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
