guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
