i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
