Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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