Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize