About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
