Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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