Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
