i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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