the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
