True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize