As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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