His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want a musical about memes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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