that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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