apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
