Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
