No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this is an emotional support booty call
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
