i barfeds in our rink
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
